It was my tenth birthday and I was not enjoying the party because I did not like heaps of noise. Then my dad come out with the cake and I was thinking of what to wish about and ten a girl come from beside me and blew them out. Then it was time for gifts and my dad brought out a bow I opened up the box and and it was the same bow that I had in my hair and then next my dad brought out a golden retriever and I could not stop smiling. Then when I got older dad took my height and I went to school. I was playing soccer and I was last picked. Then when we had a team photo and I was in the front holding the ball then another girl pushed me out of the front so she could be the main person in the photo.
Then when I went to the back I got told to smile and they made smile and I had braces so the girls made fun of me and I got so angry and ran home. I went and lay down on the couch. I saw that my dog was scratching so I went to go and open the door and he rushed in and helped me work out my problems at school and he made me happy. Then later in the week I had noticed that he is not up and about so I yelled out to my dad and we rushed over to the vet and my dad was talking to the nurse and he came in to tell me the bad news and straight away I bursted into tears and when my dad picked him up and went down the hall I waved and he looked back at me. Then 20 years later it was my daughter birthday and she got a red bow the same one that she had in her hair like what I got on my birthday. then my dad came out with a puppy like the one that I had
Kia ora Ashton
ReplyDeleteI thought your creative writing about the music video was excellent. It was a little bit repetitive when your connecting word to start your next sentence was 'then' in your first paragraph. I bet if you took a challenge and changed that up a few times, your writing would sound even better!
- Miss Birtch